llamastarQ

You ever go to your friends looking for emotional help? When I get too frustrated with how my life is going, I go to someone and try to confide in them. What do they do? Interrupt me to tell me about how much their life sucks more. I have helped them to the best of my ability in so many situations when they come to me, and they can't just listen to me once? How the fuck is that fair?? Who do I get to go to to talk to? Who is there that'll listen to me without twisting everything around and making me listen to them instead? I have problems, too; and even more than I need them solved, I need someone to listen to them. If you're reading this: I don't care about listening to your issues and helping you get through them, in fact, I love solving problems and sewing broken strings, and I love that you trust me enough to confide in me. But when I come to you, asking you to help me fix myself, don't fuck me over and make it everything about yourself. You had your time to talk and you'll take even more. But soon, it will have to be my turn or we risk losing something truly great.
Speaking of stupid friends and not being perfect...
You ever look for new friends, and no one wants you because you don't do something to their liking? One of my friends left me because I wasn't in cheer. One of my friends left me because I didn't go out enough in the summer. Another one left me because I wouldn't doll myself up with makeup and I wouldn't die my hair. Once, one left my because I refused to get a boyfriend. Way early on, my best friend left me because I didn't go to her birthday party. And you know what those people do later on? Ruin your life by turning everybody that they know against you. No one wants me now because I'm too loud with my friends and 'cause I don't talk to their friends from out of town that I don't know. They don't want me because there is nothing "special" about me that's to their liking, like being a cheerleader, being an artist, or being a party animal. News flash: I don't want to be those things because those things aren't ME. Don't judge me for just trying to be me. I'm never going to join a sport. I'm never going to like watching romance movies. I will never enjoy reading twilight. I'm never going to enjoy being at dances. And I am definitely never going to get a boyfriend merely for the purpose of having one. I'm never going to be what you want me to be. All I will ever be is me. THAT's why I'm special, but that is also why no one wants me.
What's wrong with asking for help from people that you've helped for a lifetime?
What's wrong with wanting to have someone listen?
What's wrong with wanting friends who appreciate you?
What's wrong with doing something that is the right thing to be done?
What's wrong with not wanting to do something that doesn't have to be done?
What's wrong with trying to be me?
What's wrong with wanting so little after so much?

Fuck it, no one is going to read this. No one cares about caring old me. What makes me so great? Why can't all this stupid shit just be over for me already? I just want a chance to live, too.

You know, no one can completely--through and through--hate country music. Like, new country. I myself disliked it for the longest time just because I didn't like how it sounded, but then I actually listened to the words of some songs and I literally thought "this is my life." Why did i think this? Because there is not one country song that you can not relate to yourself or your family and their lives. And when you read the lyrics or realize what they are you will always have some sort of connection to that song and eventually you'll love the artist/band. I love listening to 106.1 because it has all of the best songs and it's great quality. Well and you can pick it up nearly anywhere but that's not really a great reason to like something... Plus no matter what the mood of the song is or the story behind it it always brings out the strongest emotions. I can't recall how many times I've cried because I listened intensely to a good country song about family and hope and cancer; it was so unbelievably sad but I loved the song nonetheless. Truth is, everyone loves country. Their brains just don't allow them to use the proper parts to come out and say so :b

I've been thinking. A whole lot. What of? well dreams, of course!

What are dreams?
Memories?
Past lives?
Next lives?
Others' lives?
or... are they more than that. Are they possibly... Alternate realities? Parallel universes?

Think about it.
The very next time you sleep, try to take complete control.
Ever hear people say you can't really hear or feel things when you dream? That it's all in your head?
Answer me this: how do people end up with severe injuries that occurred in their dreams, OUTSIDE of the dreams? No, they did not just slash around or sleep walk while unconscious-it's far more advanced than that. Eff what the scientists say, they're hiding everything from us because we can't handle the truth. Because the truth is far beyond our and even their understanding. Not everything is as simple as brain surgery or rocket science.
(I could make this seem plausible as it is in my head, but I'm VERY tired so I'm going to bed.)



Call me stupid and irrational with my assumptions, but I can't be the only one out there who has their doubts about what dreams REALLY are...

you posted this one link on my last journal entry... NOW NYAN CAT IS FLOATING AROUND MY FREEKING SCREEN AND IM TOO LAZY TO STOP IT!



its been about an hour since i clicked the link and i'm just now wondering why nyan cat is going backwards.... because i just noticed it was...


THERE ARE SOOOOO MANY OF THEM!!!!!




and i am not going to try and catch them all. eff that. eff you. eff you. eff you. im just gunna try and keep them tiny nyans.... its very difficult, by the way.

Eff you katrina. i effing hate you.









oh wait they go away if i leave the page.... VICTORY!!!!!!!

So last night (night of the 9th) i took a shower as i do nearly every night.

but this time was different. this time CHANGED MY THOUGHTS on a certain object that some people call...
TOILET.

so a quick back story:
my very insecure cat, Bella (the orange one), like to piss on our bathroom rug and we have to put up the rug to prevent it being soaked in cat piss therefore i rap myself in my tow, step from shower, to toilet, to the other rug inf font of the sink-which for some reason she doesn't piss on... anyways i do that because i don't enjoy touching rugs that other people step on when their... "places" are acting as a pathway for water to drip from onto the rug.


anyways: back to last night!

so i got my towl wrapped around me, right, so i go to step on the toilet and

WHAM!

it breaks.

it effing breaks.



CRACK!

the hinges of the seat release their hold on it's bowl and i begin to fall.
the lid goes flying (one foot away...) and hits the counter while my left baby cow (calf or however you spell it) rams into the side of the counter and i hit the floor with none other than my effing ass.



one day later and my baby cow is all bruised from ankle to knee, my ass really hurts, and my mom is bitching at me for breaking the toilet seat.
fml+fyt.